Why You Don't Want To Love Them
by Freya Sacksen
Summary: When you've lived for a thousand years, you're going to pick up some psychoses. And when you're in an XBox 360 game, you're bound to pick up some Mary-Sues...
1. Kaim Argonar

**A/N:** Yeah, yeah, Kaim's pretty and nice, but come on. He is Made Of Issues and has Hot Borderline-Insane Wife.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter One**

**Kaim Argonar**

"Oh, help me, please!" the beautiful girl was hanging off a cliff. The rocks at the bottom would surely crush her fragile form. The wind caught her golden hair, glorious even on this overcast day. Her purple eyes were wide in fear.

Kaim heard the call for help and immediately rushed over.

"It's okay!" he said, grabbing her arm, "I won't let you fall!"

Carefully, making sure he didn't cut the girl's lovely pale skin, he pulled her up onto the cliff. She stumbled briefly, falling into his arms. Kaim frowned and pushed her away.

"Thank you so much!" her eyes glittered with tears of fear and gratitude. She was the loveliest thing Kaim had seen in his life.

"Don't you recognize me, Kaim?"

"No," Kaim seemed to think it over briefly, "Sorry,"

"B-b-but Kaim! W-w-w-we were together!"

Kaim stared at her blankly.

There was a sound like running.

BANG.

The girl was struck by an elegant staff, wrapped in wind and dust, sending her flying over the cliff and onto the rocks below.

"Sarah?" asked Kaim.

"Hmph."

"Aw, Sarah!" said Cooke as she and Mack ran forward, "Why didn't you let us help?"

"Don't worry Cooke," said Kaim smoothly, "I'm sure more Mary-Sues will try and make me…what is that phrase?"

"A woobie," said Sarah, frowning.

"You can help Sarah hurt them then, I promise,"

Mack grinned, and there was something disturbingly malicious about it…


	2. Sarah Sirulant

**A/N: **People wanted more Mary-Sue bashing, so here it is! Actually, it's a Marty-Stu, Mary-Sues evil twin brother, but I'm not sure I'm yet ready to deal with the concept of Sarah!Sues.

And everyone knows: if you mess with Kaim's girl, you deserve everything coming to you.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Two**

**Sarah Sirulant**

Sarah sat in the inn, chin resting on one hand. Everyone else had gone to bed, but she'd had difficulty sleeping recently. Instead, she found herself sitting at a table with a blank sheet of paper in front of her, a frown creasing her pretty face.

"Hi," said a melodic voice, "Can I sit here?"

"Hm?" Sarah looked up to see a gloriously handsome man standing in front of her. He had golden skin, ebony eyes and red hair that fell into his eyes in an almost poetic fashion. He smiled, revealing white, even teeth, "Of course,"

He sat, collapsing gracefully into the chair.

"I noticed you looked lonely," he said softly, "I was wondering…could I help?"

"I don't think so," said Sarah sadly, remembering all she'd done. Locked herself up inside of her memories so deeply that she didn't recognize herself. Looking at Kaim and loving him but not remembering why. Losing Lirum. All the pain and all the sadness. Kept at bay by her family and her friends.

"Truly, I want to help," he said, taking Sarah's hands, "You're just, you're so sad. So sad and so beautiful…" his eyes were exceedingly soft and sweet as he looked at her, "Please…let me help you,"

"No," said a flat voice. The man looked up to see blazing dark eyes.

Kaim looked calmly furious as he grabbed the man by the front of his collar as if he weighed nothing at all.

"Hello Kaim," said Sarah with a smile.

"You really shouldn't go wandering these days," said Kaim calmly. He still gripped the redhead by his spotless shirt, "Who knows what purple prose might eat you?"

Sarah hid a giggle behind her hand and Kaim smiled briefly. His face hardened as he carried the Marty-Stu out to the back of the inn. There was a terrible tearing sound, a wail of anguish and a sound like something being beaten up. There was silence.

Sarah daintily stood up and made her way out back. There was some murmuring, an inhuman cry and then a blast like a bomb.

Smiling and holding hands the two walked back into the inn and upstairs. Kaim whispered something in Sarah's ear, and she giggled again.

The innkeeper sighed.

"Eighth one this week," he said, "And it's only Wednesday,"


	3. Seth Balmore

**A/N:** So, Seth. Assume that this is just after you've got the whole band all met up and merry and Seth is just angry at Gongora. But Seth is always angry at Gongora, so it's not that hard to imagine. And as we all know, there are only two people Seth really ever cared about...

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Three**

**Seth Balmore**

Anger was boiling in Seth's veins as memory crackled in her mind. The creature in front of her took on Gongora's face in her mind and she slashed and hacked, and every strike she could see Gongora's laugh.

"Seth!" yelled Kaim, but Seth was running after the other creatures, hating them with a passion, tearing them to shreds in her fury.

Suddenly, a spine caught her in the side. Her world went white in pain as she stumbled to her knees.

There was a 'hya!' over her, and the monster who had struck her was eviscerated by an unknown assailant.

"Thanks," said Seth, stumbling to her feet.

"You should pay more attention," her rescuer was a tall, well-muscled man with a scar over one eye. Despite this, he had a soft, kind voice. He sat her down.

"No, I'm _fine_," she spat.

"Let me - - "

"I'm _fine_,"

"But - - "

There echoed all around the noise of someone receiving a not-quite deadly but definitely incapacitating slash of a sword. The man fell with a resounding 'thuk' onto the floor.

"Argh!" growled Seth angrily. If she weren't injured, that slash would have been a lot higher and a lot deeper…

She turned to the spine and frowned. Carefully she poured some healing medicine around where the arrow was, healing the flesh around it.

"This is gonna hurt," she muttered, before yanking the spine out and casting a quick Heal before the stab wound had a chance to bleed any further. Veins and arteries stitched together, flesh knitted, skin healed.

"Okay," she mumbled, the world already fading to black "_Now_ I can pass out,"

- - -

Sed ran into the clearing to see Seth on the ground, with quite a bit of blood on her side. Another figure, lying next to Seth, stirred.

Patiently, Sed waited until the blood-soaked man sat up.

BANG.

The man fell down.

He wasn't about to get up any time soon.

"Sed," Tolten frowned slightly as he walked along, "You didn't _have_ to shoot him, did you?"

"Was he me?" Sed asked calmly.

"No…"

"Was his name Aneira?"

"Um…I don't think so,"

Before Sed could reply, Seth stirred and slowly stumbled to her feet.

"Okay," she said, quickly regaining her sharp mood, "Who shot the Marty?"

Tolten quickly pointed at Sed.

Seth smiled at her son, and the two walked off, leaving Tolten to trail along in disgust.


	4. Ming Numara

**A/N:** Yes, there was actually once a Mary-Sue called Sole in I think the...X-Men fandom? Yes, the hideousness of wilver appears, as well as silver eyes. Silver eyes belong to the Lackey fandom people, and even then, only if you are Treesa or Vanyel Ashkevron (yes, Treesa does have silver eyes). Sorry this took so long, I was actually trying to figure out how to get a Marty-Stu to Ming. At which point, it occurred to me that any Marty-Stu would be attempting to out-smarm Jansen...

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Four**

**Ming Numara**

There was a wind blowing off the sea, carrying with it the scent of wilderness and life. Ming Numara had always loved the smell of the sea, which was why today she found herself on a balcony, closing her eyes as she breathed it in, a serene look on her face.

Her eyes opened abruptly, and she frowned slightly as she turned around to meet a pair of shocking silver eyes. The man they belonged to was no less shocking, with long white silver hair falling down his back. A few lazy bangs framed those astonishing eyes, and the wind caught his hair playfully as he fell to one knee.

Ming twisted her mouth.

"Your Royal Majesty," he said. His voice was musical enough to put songbirds to shame.

"Who are you?" said Ming, and it came out a bit sharper than she'd intended or, indeed, than the man had expected.

"My name is Gabriel Lune Sole, your Royal Majesty,"

Ming's mouth twitched slightly.

"And what are you doing here, Gabriel Lune Sole?"

"Sol-_ee_, Majesty, Sol-_ee_,"

Ming had that peculiar look people get when they're valiantly trying to take seriously someone they can't help but find utterly ridiculous…and that someone is just making it harder.

"What are you doing here, Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_?"

"I saw you smile at the waves, and my jealousy brought me here. I saw you admire the sky, and my envy of the sky led me here. I saw you touch this balcony, and I wished that I could feel that hand upon my…face,"

Ming covered her mouth to hide her snicker.

"I saw you smile," he said, with a look of yearning, "And wished I could make you smile myself,"

Smirk, yes. Smile, no.

Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ stood up and reached towards her…

Someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around…

…only to find the butt of a staff sending him tumbling to the floor.

Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ stood up and wiped away the blood from his lip.

"I've got three suggestions," said someone, and this was a voice whose smarm Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ could never hope to match. Looking up, he saw a smirking man walk over to the queen.

"Jansen," Ming said with amusement, "You know I can take care of myself,"

"Yeah but Ming, you took care of the last three. You're, y'know, my wife. I have to take a stand for you sooner or later,"

Ming laughed.

"The first suggestion," said Jansen to Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_, "Is to never name yourself after a fish. I mean, I know Sole looks like it should be to do with the sun, but even Sol-_ee_ is a kind…of fish,"

Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ turned to leave only to find himself blocked by Kakanas, who had a mild look on his face.

"It's Jansen's turn," he explained when Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ looked confused.

"The second suggestion," said Jansen as Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ turned back to face him, "Is to never urple yourself. And wilver hair? I mean, come on. What were you thinking?"

The smile suddenly vanished from Jansen's face and he abruptly looked very, very terrifying, and it suddenly occurred to Gabriel Lune Sol-_ee_ that this man had, in fact, taken on Numara's army…and survived.

And that, no matter how cheerful they may appear, people such as that were not to be trifled with.

"The third suggestion," said Jansen, and despite his mild tone of voice, there was something very dangerous about it, "Is to not hit on my girl. Kakanas? Pass me the hacksaw,"

Ming leaned over and kissed her husband on the cheek before walking off the balcony. She turned to a nearby servant.

"Another Marty-Stu attacked me on the balcony,"

"King Jansen or General Kakanas?"

"Jansen,"

"Shall I get the mop, Your Royal Majesty?"

Ming gave a very delicate, very _careful_ smile.

"I should think so,"

Behind them there was a scream and the hideous scraping noise of metal on bone.

"And some clean clothes for them both, if you will?"

The servant hid a nasty giggle behind one hand, and the Queen of Numara serenely walked past.


	5. Gongora

**A/N:** I, too, was terrified by the strong desire I had to enter that oh-so-hated phrase 'curves in all the right places' (where _are_ the right places? Eyelids? Elbows?). But if you try to seduce Gongora, you deserve everything coming to you.

Sorry for the short chapter, but I really didn't see any way of drawing it out longer, and the thought of further describing the Mary-Sue made my skin crawl.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Five**

**Gongora**

"Your Majesty?" the voice was sinuous, low, and said the phrase with an almost lustful care.

Gongora turned to see a woman standing there. She had jet-black hair down to her waist and wore a but a few bare scraps of clothing and armor to hide snow-white skin. Leather boots encased the smooth curves of her legs up to mid thigh, and the glowing lights of Grand Staff's interior slid over her like water.

"How did you get in here?" said Gongora warily. The woman smiled, a long curved smile as she walked slowly up to Gongora, her heels clicking on the floor.

"I came to help you, my liege," she said, the smile becoming coy as she drew close to the immortal.

"Oh, really?" he said smoothly, "And how could you help?"

The woman reached a hand up to one tan cheek. She bit her lip, a slow, smooth motion sure to make men's hearts pound.

"I'm sure I could think of something," she replied.

"So can I," said Gongora, placing a hand on her shoulder. A sudden force knocked the woman back against the wall.

Gongora smiled cruelly.

"Target practice,"

There was a blood curdling scream as Gongora's magic struck, leaving nothing but a smoking wreck.

"My lord?" said a dark acolyte, "You said to let Mary-Sues enter so…"

"Oh, yes," said Gongora, "Practice is always necessary, after all,"

Gongora, whistling, strode away from the small pile of ash that was all that remained of the Mary-Sue.


	6. Sed

**A/N:** Sorry for the short chapter. I really didn't want to stretch Sed's out any longer than I had to because, well, it's Sed. Come on. Like he'd give the Mary-Sue a chance to talk. And yes, I know it's been a while – apologies.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Six**

**Sed**

Sed stood at the helm of the Nautilus, a frown turning his mobile face dark.

"What's wrong, old man? Lose your Zimmer frame?" quipped Jansen from behind him as he leaned against a wall. Sed's frown deepened.

"Something's wrong. I can feel it in my gut,"

"Sure it's not indigestion?"

The glare Sed directed his way would have reduced a lesser man to a howling ball of fear. Jansen, who lived with the thousand year old Queen of Numara – a woman who, contrary to her beautiful appearance, was _not_ one you trifled with – was unaffected.

"I can feel it coming…"

"Uh, Sed?" Jansen's tone changed completely from one of flippant sarcasm to one of wary puzzlement.

"Huh,"

"Uh, Sed?"

"I think I know what may have been the problem,"

"Uh, Sed?"

With a sigh, Sed walked over to the wall next to Jansen and smacked a big red button.

The Mary-Sue, dressed in a painfully stereotypical sailor's uniform, let out a screech before dropping through an open hatch.

"I didn't know you had a Mary-Sue Sense," said Jansen contemplatively, "Maybe Kaim could hire you by the hour."

- - -

**A/N:** While I'm here, I'd like to answer a question posed by a reviewer (JansenFriedh):

Yes, I am fully aware that Kakanas was banished. However, I am also fully aware that not every blonde in the world is an utter ditz whose only purpose in life is to shop. That doesn't mean I don't find blonde jokes funny – the jokes would not work unless reality was stretched a bit (before blondes get up in arms, I am, in fact, also a blonde, and learned a long time ago that it's easier to laugh at blonde jokes than to get upset at them). Similarly with the Ming chapter, the joke would not work unless someone else – someone quite possibly a great deal scarier to the uninformed than Jansen – was there to help back up Jansen. Kakanas happened to be a perfect candidate.

People change. And when it comes to the people they love, people become a great deal more protective – I know someone who is remarkably laid back, but the instant anything he loves is threatened, the person doing the threatening better have damn good health insurance. I imagined Jansen – who, at the start of the game, had no real purpose, other than booze and ladies and nothing he would have really considered worth dying for – as developing into that sort of person.

Think about it: He has had to deal with numerous Marty-Stus coming after his wife – quite possibly the first and only woman he has ever really, genuinely loved. While Jansen may be a flake, he does have a heart. And in the game, there are instances where he is shown to protect the people he cares about. It's not that great a leap to assume that he would become slightly bloodthirsty under stressful conditions.

Also, while your suggestion may be slightly more in character, you will notice that I have done my best to actually avoid outright violence. It's much funnier to let people make their own assumptions about what has happened to the Mary-Sue or Marty-Stu. In the Watchmen incarnation of this fic, the violence is appropriate, because Watchmen is a violent comic. In the Lost Odyssey incarnation, it's not appropriate, because LO is not nearly as openly bloody.

Finally, I actually said, in the Seth chapter AT THE VERY TOP OF THE PAGE that the chapter was set partway through the game i.e. before the end.


	7. Tolten

**A/N:** Apologies if people are out of character. I am _astonishingly_ bad at writing Tolten. I also find interaction between Tolten and Kaim _impossible_ to write.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Seven**

**King Tolten**

Tolten sighed and leaned forward on his desk. Surely more boring reports than this had come in, but he couldn't quite remember.

He didn't often hate the people of Uhra. After all, it wasn't _their_ fault that his job, on occasion, was almost unbearably horrible.

But at times like these, Tolten wished, desperately, that he was _somewhere else_.

"Uh, Your Majesty?" a servant knocked at the door.

"_Yes_?" he didn't mean it to come out as a snap, but it had been a long day, and it looked as if it were going to be longer.

"You have a guest,"

Oh no, thought Tolten, oh please, please, _please_ no. I do _not_ want a Mary-Sue in here. _Not_ after I just had the stains washed up from the last one. My sword required so much polishing it was absurd. Who would have thought Mary-Sue blood would eat through steel even quicker than human blood?

Still. Anything he could do to help his city and friends…

"All right. Send them in…"

To Tolten's open relief, the person who walked through was not, in fact, a Mary-Sue, but Kaim Argonar. Good god, this had to be the first time in his life that he had been pleased to see Kaim.

"Oh thank god it's you, Kaim!" Tolten exclaimed, with such feeling that Kaim raised an eyebrow, "I thought it was a Mary-Sue! I'd even take King _Jansen_ over a Mary-Sue!"

Kaim's eyebrow remained raised, although a hint of a smile crossed his face.

"You don't happen to mean…_that_…Mary-Sue, do you?"

Peering around Kaim, Tolten noticed a huge urple stain covering the entire floor beyond his office.

"Oh," said Tolten, so remarkably offhandedly that another amused smile flashed across Kaim's lips.

"Yes. Oh. The reason I'm here, Tolten, is because, after Sarah, Sed and Ming did a bit of investigation, we encountered something…disturbing,"

"Oh dear," said Tolten, his heart sinking, "Oh dear,"

"It seems that Mary-Sues attack in waves. Right now, they are gathering outside the gates,"

"Oh dear," said Tolten again, "My guards are fighting them back?"

"They would, but the Mary-Sues seem more concerned with one another,"

Tolten looked concerned, before enlightenment dawned on his face.

"Ah. I see. Then how did the one you just dispatched get through?"

"The sewers."

"Oh dear. I hope the monsters didn't get sick,"

"Judging by the number of corpses we discovered, I doubt it,"

The two stared at one another for a while, before sharing long, malicious, satisfied and singularly _sadistic_ smiles.

"So, would you and your family care to join me for dinner, Kaim?"

"Only if you promise not to serve Mary-Sue as a starter,"


	8. Cooke & Mack

**A/N:** Okay, admittedly this came out as more of a 'Further Reasons Not To Love Kaim', but Cooke and Mack are the ones who get the unenviable presence of the Mary-Sue.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Eight**

**Cooke & Mack**

"C-C-C-Cooke…?" Mack's voice came out as a half-frozen chatter. Even through his thrice-magicked winter gear, he still felt cold. He had long lost feeling in toes, fingers and nose. Now it was a wonder he was able to discern whether or not he had moved, he was so numb.

"Oh, _Mack_," said Cooke, exasperated, "Don't be such a _baby_. We're not _lost_,"

Cooke seemed to have an interesting definition of the word 'lost' Mack mused. He would have thought being stuck in the middle of a forest, with no idea which way led back home, no paths or tracks to lead them anywhere, a distinct lack of magic to help melt the snow of this fierce blizzard and a completely inability to see anywhere beyond four feet from your eyes would define, no, be the very _essence_ of 'lost'.

The fact that Cooke didn't seem to register the cold just made Mack even more miserable.

"Cooke, maybe we should find a place to huddle down. Kaim and Sarah will find us more easily that way,"

Well, that's what Mack _meant_ to say. What actually _came out_ was:

"C-C-C-Cook-k-k-ke, muh-muh-muh-maybe w-w-w-we sh-sh-sh-should f-f-f-find a pl-pl-pl-place tu-tu-tu-to hu-hu-hu-hudd-dde-dde-dde-ddle d-d-d-down - - ,"

Alas, Mack was interrupted almost immediately by his know-it-all sister.

Mack loved Cooke. Really, he did.

At least, that was what he was telling himself.

"Yeah! I know! Let's go see if we can find a cave somewhere and set up a fire!"

Mack gave up. Pointing out that neither of them could light a fire, and finding a cave would take even longer than going home seemed to be on the 'useless' end of the spectrum.

With a spring in her step that was completely inappropriate for the situation, and only furthered Mack's growing detestation of his sister, Cooke led the way through the thick forest.

"Come _on_ Mack! It's not like much snow is even getting in through this wood…"

Yes, thought Mack, if the snow were falling _down_, we would be fine. The only problem is that the snow is not falling _down_. It is falling _sideways_.

Somehow, by a miracle, Cooke managed to find a cave.

It only took another hour.

- - -

Mack awoke to the sudden feeling that something was wrong.

For one thing, he didn't remember falling asleep.

For another, he didn't remember being _warm_.

For a third, he didn't remember being with anybody _other than Cooke_.

Sitting bolt upright, he saw a fire lit not too far away from him. On the other side sat a beautiful woman with ebony hair and purple eyes. She smiled at him over the rising steam of the pot of stew that seemed to have magically congealed. Mack felt himself falling almost into a trance at her beauty. For one second, he was certain he was falling in love…

…and then he snapped out of it.

"Good morning," her voice was husky and slightly teasing.

"Who are you?" asked Mack warily.

"Oh, don't worry. I'm not a Mary-Sue," she smiled again, which confused Mack as he didn't recall her ever _stopping_ smiling.

Mack inwardly listed a series of swear words that he knew would have shocked his sister and grandmother, especially if they knew he learned them from Jansen and Kaim.

Wait. Sister.

"Where's Cooke?!"

"Oh, she's fine," said the woman, stirring the stew. She made a flippant gesture with her hand that made Mack's hackles raise. Curled up in a corner and shivering was his sister – so far away from the fire that she probably wasn't even aware there _was_ one.

"Why did you leave her like this?" snapped Mack, uncharacteristically angry.

The woman ignored his question.

"Would you like some stew?"

"_No_! I would _like_ you to tell me why you're helping _me_ but not my _sister_!"

"Oh, Mack," said a blessedly familiar voice, "It's quite simple,"

The woman's head jerked about to see the serene face of Sarah. Sarah smiled, but there was something worryingly predatory about it.

"You see, she wants Cooke to die an unpleasant death so that she can comfort my husband. Especially when his wife falls into another fit of hysteria-induced insanity. Isn't that right?" her smile was unwavering, but her eyes were hard.

The woman glared at Sarah.

"You're horrible for Kaim!" she snapped, "You're not right for him at all!"

"That's a matter of opinion," said another familiar voice, as Kaim appeared at the cave entrance, "Mack, next time you and your sister go exploring, please don't do it in the middle of winter,"

"Sorry, Kaim,"

"As it is…" Kaim tossed something at Mack that made him squirm with dark delight.

_Mana herb_.

The woman turned to Mack, looking more than slightly pale.

BOOM.

- - -

"Aw, Mack!" whined Cooke over dinner that evening, "Why'd you have to kill her? Why didn't I get a go?"

"You were asleep," said Sarah.

"Yeah, and _you_ were the one that got us lost," muttered Mack.

"Shows what _you_ know!" replied Cooke heatedly.

Kaim sighed.

"I'm beginning to think we should have left them in the cave," he said to his wife.

"_Kaim_!"


	9. Jansen

**A/N:** WARNING: This chapter is neither particularly funny nor violent. However, having had an absurdly violent ending to the Watchmen incarnation of this fic, I thought it would be appropriate to have an absurdly fluffy ending to this one.

NOTE: This is set a few years after the Ming chapter.

**Why You Don't Want To Love Them**

**Chapter Nine**

**Jansen**

Ming smiled. She had a lot to smile about. It was a beautiful day in Numara – it had rained the day before, and now the city smelled of damp soil and growth. It was only edging from spring to summer, so it wasn't horrifically hot, instead gentle warmth, tempered by the sea breeze filled the air with a sparkling energy.

But most of all, laughing, having fun and getting grass stains all over as they played in the imperial gardens was her family. The sunlight fell through the courtyard like a waterfall of clear light, as the high giggles of her children resounded through the halls, followed by the laugh of her husband. Their children leapt on Jansen, knocking him on his back and sending him sprawling.

Ming, laughing lightly, joined them on the grass.

"Mama!" shrieked her eldest, leaping off Jansen to go fling her arms around Ming's neck as she bent down to hug her. Swiftly, the other two joined her, clamoring around like ducklings.

"Now Nova, is it polite to go crush your father?" she asked, her smile softening the rebuke.

"No," her daughter shook her head, unrepentant, before giggling as Jansen scooped her up into a hug.

"Now look," said Jansen, mock-scolding her, "You've gone and got dirt all over your clothes and face!"

"Sorry, papa," she said, although she smiled as she did – and the smile Nova gave was her mother's, all warm and soft and candy-sweet.

He laughed again, setting her back on her feet where her twin brothers, Veli and Roni, promptly tackled her and got into a friendly scuffle.

Unbeknownst to them, a young woman sat in the shadows, waiting for Ming to leave so that she could talk to Jansen.

"Do you really want to do that?" asked a soft voice. Startled, the young woman turned to see Kaim looking at her with speculative eyes.

"What do you mean?" she demanded. He nodded to the garden, drawing her attention back to the family scene.

Now the family had settled down in the grass, with Ming carefully untangling her daughter's hair, while Jansen made sparkling illusions for them using his magic. Fireworks sprouted and bloomed like multicolored roses, butterflies danced and wove in and out, dragons flew, mermaids sang, before collapsing into rain that glowed like sapphires in a waterfall. Slowly, each drop shone and burst in a small explosion of gold, silver and red. The children 'ooh'ed and 'aah'ed, before applauding at the end. Jansen did a mock bow and his children pestered him for more.

It was idyllic and perfect. Hard to believe that earlier that morning Nova had thrown a tantrum when her nurse had pulled a knot in her hair, Roni hit Veli when he refused to share a bowl of their favorite fruit, and Veli had gone into a sulk when forced to have a bath.

Every time something like that happened, Jansen would sigh in a long-suffering manner, Ming would shake her head, disappointed, and eventually the children would forgive and forget. It's hard to stay angry when you're less than ten, after all.

Jansen then started to sing a lullaby. Nova clambered into his lap, where she drifted to sleep, while her brothers curled up against Ming and cuddled into their own nap. The parents shared a small smile as their children slept, safe and sound in their arms.

"Do you want to stop that?"

The Mary-Sue looked at the family, looked at Kaim, looked at the family…

…she then set her jaw and moved toward Ming, Jansen and their children.

Or, at least, tried to.

Kaim grabbed the back of her overly-elaborate dress and proceeded to drag her away from the courtyard, far away enough that when her screams rang through the halls, it wouldn't wake up the children.

- - -

"So, Kaim," started Jansen, with an easy sort of obnoxiousness as he leaned against the balcony railing. Kaim's eyes briefly flicked away from the rose-red sunset to Jansen, affirmation of Jansen's laid-back greeting.

"Yes, Jansen?" he replied.

"Y'know, you, Sarah and the brats are welcome to stay as long you want," Jansen spoke with a familiar resignation that said he knew exactly how this conversation was meant to go.

"I know. We'll be heading back home tomorrow evening. Sed's giving us a lift,"

Jansen smiled wryly.

"Y'know, not that we _mind_ you being here – Ming and Sarah having that scary habit of going into a room and spending the rest of the afternoon giggling about…whatever it is women giggle about…and Nova, Roni and Veli look forward to seeing your brats…"

Kaim glanced at him in a way that said without words that he knew where Jansen was leading, but wanted Jansen to get there by himself.

"…but I can't help wondering why it is that, whenever you turn up, sooner or later you go stalking around with your sword,"

The two exchanged looks. Kaim's said: You know exactly why.

Jansen's said: Yes, but I want to hear you say it.

"…it's the Sues,"

Jansen sighed and rubbed his temples, a habit he'd picked up in the years since he'd married Ming. Being King of Numara was _hard_.

"We have guards. An army. Hell, the Palace might as well be a _fort_ for how well I've managed to get security up since I came to the throne. Why do you feel the need to personally take them on? Ming and I can take care of ourselves,"

There was another long silence.

"…How old are your kids?"

"How old?" Jansen looked mildly surprised at this sudden change of topic, "Well, Nova's five and the boys are four. Why?"

"Mack and Cooke were forced to deal with pain, loss and death when they were only a handful of years older. They saw and did things children shouldn't. I don't want that for your children. I don't want them to see you and Ming kill, even if it is a Sue,"

Jansen, touched (although he'd never admit it) smiled absently to himself.

"Thanks," said Jansen. He'd known that Kaim had a weakness for children, but he hadn't known that stretched to his comrades' children as well.

The two looked out at the sunset, Jansen with his bratty smile, Kaim with his silent, near-invisible one.

"There's one right behind us, you know," said Jansen casually.

"Sarah's behind it as well,"

BOOM!

Without even turning around, Jansen sighed.

"The housekeeper's gonna kill me. You know how hard it is to get urple out of marble?"

- - -

**A/N:** By the way...

I'd just like to extend my thanks to all my wonderful readers for staying, even when this fic looked as if it were heading suspiciously close to being dead. Writing this chapter has now given me this peculiar urge to write a sequel involving our favorite cast of characters heading off to track down whoever keeps coming up with all the Sues. We'll see.

Anyway. Thanks again for reading!


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